Long Term Effects of Childhood Trauma in Women
“She is such a good girl”
Years ago, I spoke with someone whose niece, around 10 or 11 at the time, was dealing with her parents' divorce. Despite the turmoil, the girl was remarkably mature and responsible, taking care of her mother and maintaining a positive attitude. She never complained and assured her mom everything would be fine. Reflecting on this, I wonder how those childhood coping strategies have influenced her adult life.
Understanding Trauma
When we hear the word trauma, we might think of war or natural disasters. But trauma encompasses much more, including complex trauma—an emotional response to distressing situations. Trauma involves three key factors:
Stress: Not all stress is traumatic, but traumatic events are always distressing.
Lack of Support: Trauma often occurs when there's no support or resources to cope.
Feeling Stuck: Traumatic experiences can make us feel stuck and unable to identify what's happening.
Childhood Trauma and Coping Mechanisms
As children, we are especially vulnerable to trauma, relying on caregivers for safety. When caregivers are unable to provide us with the necessary support, we develop coping mechanisms. These strategies might help us survive the moment but can create challenges in adulthood.
The Good Girl Syndrome
Take the example of the "good girl" who, faced with her parents' divorce, becomes overly responsible and mature. While this behaviour might seem commendable, it's actually a coping mechanism. In adulthood, such individuals might struggle with:
Setting Boundaries: Fear of conflict and rejection makes boundary-setting difficult.
Expressing Emotions: They may suppress negative emotions, maintaining a façade of constant positivity.
Prioritizing Others: They often put others' needs above their own, leading to burnout and stress.
The Long-Term Impact
It's likely that this "good girl" has developed specific coping strategies to help her regulate her emotions. These behaviours are often seen as positive traits, such as being responsible for her age, and others praise her for them, saying, "She is such a good girl" and "Wow, how responsible she is for her age!"
However, in order to be accepted, she feels the need to continue exhibiting these behaviours, and these coping mechanisms can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues in adulthood.
For example, women in professional environments might feel responsible for everyone's well-being at work and home. This overwhelming sense of responsibility can prevent them from removing the "good girl" mask and acknowledging their own needs. As Gabor Maté says, "Everything you judge about yourself served a purpose at the time.”
Rewriting Your Story Through Therapy
Understanding that these behaviours are rooted in past trauma is the first step toward healing. In therapy, women can learn to:
Identify Coping Mechanisms: Recognize how past experiences shape present behaviours.
Develop Self-Compassion: Approach their past with kindness and understanding.
Rewrite Their Narrative: Create a new story that reflects their true self and current needs.
How Therapy Helps Women Navigate Life's Challenges
Therapy provides a safe space to explore these issues and develop healthier coping strategies. It can help women:
Manage Work Stress: Learn techniques to handle deadlines, imposter syndrome, and burnout.
Navigate Life Transitions: Adjust to major life changes with support and guidance.
Address Toxic Relationships: Recognize and break free from harmful dynamics.
Start Healing
Recognizing the impact of childhood trauma on adult life is crucial for healing. Therapy offers tools to understand and transform these behaviours, fostering emotional and mental well-being. By addressing these issues with compassion and support, women can break free from the past and embrace their true selves.
If any of this resonates with you, or if you're ready to prioritize your mental health, feel free to reach out via the contact section or email me at lucia@luciatherapy.com. Let's embark on this healing journey together.